Our intern in the Kremlin has been speaking to Mrs. Putin, who has been growing increasingly frustrated over the past few Christmases. “In the 2000s I did not once see Vlad eating his Christmas dinner early, he would be patient and try to make it last the whole year. Now he just cannot help himself. I tried to ensure we had the biggest turkey for Christmas this year, but it appears he already has devoured it! I hate to think what he will want next year.” This is terrifying news, especially considering US President-elect, Donald Trump, tweeted two hours ago that he would be allowing his Russian adversary to eat all the turkeys on European continent.