KIM’S POPULARITY ON THE UP

President Kim Jong Un is reportedly shocked at the letters of congratulation that have
flooded Pyongyang. From Tokyo to Trinidad, heads of state have, according to our sources, enjoyed the North Korean leader’s persistent ability to irritate Mr Trump and have responded with a surge of congratulatory correspondence. Kim is said to have particularly admired a letter from the Philippines’ Rodrigo Duterte, a like-minded leader, who’s writing used language so foul that the Dictator reportedly spilt his morning glass of human blood.

The latest reports of Kim’s Ballistic missile launches left Trump red in the face, vowing never to touch Korean food, and launching his own retaliatory plans to build a wall along the 38th parallel. Korean restaurants in both Washington and New York have reportedly greeted the announcement with joy, the threat of appearing on the POTUS’
twitter now extinguished.

The North Korean press have circulated memes of their leader pulling the ‘troll face’
towards the USA’s commander-in-chief. Kim, an avid meme fan, reportedly enjoyed the memes to such an extent that his joy fed the North Korean population for an entire 24 hours — something of a rarity in the utopic state.

Teresa May is said to have promised Mr Trump that, in respect for the “special
relationship” enjoyed between the US and UK, she would not send a letter of congratulation. However, in typical Teresa form, she broke her word and fired off an email nine minutes after she called the snap election. In a statement defending her actions, the PM said that she was simply maintaining Tory consistency, and that one need only look at her record to see a tradition of broken promises. Trump reportedly
responded by sending his own message of congratulations, before being reminded by his
advisers that this would presumably encourage the North Korean leader. Sean Spicer was unavailable for a comment.

 

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