PHILIP QUITS

Today, pervy old men woke up to the horrifying news that their role model, Prince Phillip, is retiring from public service. Part-time handyman, Trevor, who enjoys painting people’s gates whilst whistling and listening to the radio, described the news as a disappointment for his generation. Others have come together in protest, fearing that Phillip’s transfer to the backstage will mean that political correctness does go mad. Might this decision spell the end for those particularly un-PC comments made at Christmas dinner that your mother tells you to ignore because he’s old, or the slightly inappropriate hug on his birthday? Only time will tell, good riddance Phillip.

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